


Random Night Vale One Shots

by BBCotaku



Category: Welcome to Night Vale
Genre: 1930s AU, AU, Alternate Universe - Vampire, Assassins, Crack, Drabble, Dressing in Drag, Drinking, Every au ever, Fluff, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Science, Senpai Notice Me, The desert other world, Zombie Apocalypse, love potions, one shots, random shit, rp generator, strexcorp masquerade
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-10-06
Updated: 2015-09-28
Packaged: 2018-02-20 03:11:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 17
Words: 9,185
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2412794
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BBCotaku/pseuds/BBCotaku
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A collection of Night Vale One Shots with each premise given to me by the RP generator here: http://rpgens.tumblr.com/miniscenario</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Scenario 1 (Carlos and Cecil in dressing in drag)

"Why are we doing this?" Asked Carlos looking over at his boyfriend who was currently sporting a bright yellow sundress, trying desperately to do up the zip. 

"Cause it would be funny." Said Cecil stretching his arms backwards over his shoulder. Carlos sighed and shook his head a small grin stretching across his lips, exposing his perfectly straight teeth. 

"Come here I'll help you." Carlos beckoned for Cecil to turn round and did up the zip. "Where did you get this stuff anyway?" 

"Sisters'." Said Cecil bluntly spinning round slightly so the dress' hem spread out around him. "How'd I look?" Carlos stifled a laugh and wrapped his arms around Cecil's waist. 

"Perfect." He said his cheeks starting to become sore from smiling. "As always." Cecil steps back from Carlos turned searching through one of the four carrier bags full of clothes.

"Good cause I got something for you to try." 

"What? No." Carlos shook his head as Cecil gave him a pleading look.

"Please Carlos."

"Uh-uh, no." Carlos crossed his arms as Cecil held up a black v-neck dress with puffy sleeves. 

"Come on! It would look great with your lab coat." Said Cecil taking hold of the hem of Carlos' shirt and trying to pull it off. 

"Cecil get off me- whoa!" Carlos toppled over backwards and fell to the ground Cecil landing on top him. "Ouch." The two stared at each other for a moment, Cecil's hands either side of Carlos' head. After a while Carlos cleared his throat. "You gonna get off me Cecil?" Cecil rested his head on Carlos' chest, tucking his hands under Carlos' so he was hugging Carlos tightly against him. 

"Nah, I'm good." Carlos laughed so hard Cecil could feel it through his chest causing him to buzz up and down slightly. 

"Come on Cecil, I have science to do." Cecil gave a melodramatic groan and hugged Carlos tighter. 

"Try on the dress and I'll let you go." Said Cecil listening to the steady thud of Carlos' heartbeat.

"Uh-ah." 

"Please!" Carlos pouted his lips and huffed.

"Don't wanna." 

"Do wanna." Retorted Cecil sitting up slightly and tickling Carlos under his armpits. Carlos squired and whooped with laughter as Cecil tickled. 

"Don't wanna, haha, don't wanna...okay okay, just hehe stop tickling me!" Cecil rolled off Carlos and grabbed the dress offering it to him enthusiastically. Cecil watched as Carlos pulled off his shirt and pulled the dress over him before kicking off his trousers with a loud huff. "Happy?" He asked looking down at the clingy fabric. No matter how reluctant he was to admit it, the dress did suit him, in a weird way. Cecil looked him up and down a goofy grin on his lips. "What you laughing at hm?" Cecil shrugged.

"I was just thinking that you could wear that to the next town meeting." 

"Oh yeah?" Cecil nodded as Carlos plucked at the fabric. "Maybe."


	2. Carlos as a vampire feeding on Cecil.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *bangs head against wall*
> 
> Give. Me. Something. Relatively. Normal. Please.

A loud yawn made it's way from between Cecil's lips as he walk, his feet dragging slightly as he did. As much as he loved his job, doing the late night broadcast was a pain. Doing the late night broadcast, and then having his car refuse to start was even worse. 

"I should have just slept at the station." Grumbled Cecil, raising his hands above his head and listening to his shoulder joints crack and pop. 

"You lost or something?" Cecil also jumped out of his skin as he spun around, finding himself face to face with a man he had never seen before. "Oh, sorry." The man flashed a dazzling smile at Cecil, exposing two rows of perfectly straight teeth. "Didn't mean to scare you or anything." The man took a quick step back, his hands in his pockets.

"No, it's okay, um." Cecil stuttered rubbing the back of his neck. 

"Hey, it's really dangerous for you to be out this late on your own." The stranger turned slightly so he was facing the road. "Want me to walk you home?" Cecil stared at the man his mouth slightly open. 

"I, I don't even know you, you could be an axe murder for all I know." Stuttered Cecil taking two quick steps away from the stranger. The stranger laughed and patted his pockets as though he was looking for something.

"Well I don't have an axe on me." He turned round and peered down the empty street. "Damn I think I left it at home." Cecil snorted before pressing his hand over his mouth. The man grinned and offered Cecil his hand to shake. "How about you get to know me?"

"Is that some kind of pick up line?" Asked Cecil taking the man's hand and shaking it.

"It can be." Said the stranger smiling. "I'm Carlos by the way."

"Cecil." Said Cecil and Carlos' eyes widened slightly.

"Hey you're that radio guy aren't you?" Cecil looked a bit taken aback. 

"You listen to my show?" Asked Cecil slowly as the two walked down the street. Carlos nodded. 

"Every now and again, I thought I recognised your voice." Cecil laughed and tucked his hands into his pocket. "What's so funny?" 

"Nothing, I just didn't think anyone listened to my show, not many people listen to the radio at one in the morning." Carlos shrugged.

"I'm a insomniac, gotta pass the time somehow." Carlos paused for a moment, his eyes flicking the the street sign hanging just above them. "Why'd you take such a crap time slot anyway?" 

"Gotta work your way from the bottom, same as any other business." Cecil scuffed his foot against the path absentmindedly. "Doing what you love is doing what you love, be it at one in the morning or seven o'clock at night." Carlos stayed quiet and stopped walking. 

"Hey you okay?" Cecil stopped beside him and turned his head slightly to face Carlos.

"Sorry about this." 

"What? - whoa!" Carlos gripped Cecil by the shoulders, his grip as hard as iron. He pushed Cecil into a small ally, pushing him hard against the wall. "What the hell are you doing?!" Screamed Cecil trying to push the man back, he didn't budge. Instead he pressed his hand against Cecil's mouth, still keep Cecil pinned again the wall with his free hand. 

"This is gonna sting a bit." Mumbled Carlos, his teeth becoming long and sharp. He felt Cecil scream behind his hand, he could hear man's heart thudding a mile a minute. Cecil thrashed wildly as Carlos sank his teeth into his neck, hot blood running over his tongue. He bit down again, ignoring the other man's attempts to defend himself. Eventually Cecil's heartbeat started to slow, his body turning limp as he lost consciousness. Carlos pulled away from the man and hesitated, nervously licking blood from his lips.

_You've heard tons of sob stories for God's sake!_ He held Cecil head up and looked him up and down. _Why should he be any different? Just kill him!_

Cecil's eyes snapped open. The first thing that hit him was an ache in his back, the second was that he had been sleeping in the back of his car. Groggily he sat up rubbing sleep from his eyes. His heart skipped a beat and he reached passed the front seat, moving the rear-view mirror so he could see his reflection. No gaping wounds on his neck. No bite marks. He let out a deep sigh of relief and moved the mirror back into position. Just a dream. A sharp knock on his window made him yelp, shifting to see on of the radio station's interns standing at the window. 

"You okay in there Cecil?" Asked the inter, her head cocked slightly to one side. 

"Yeah." Said Cecil winding down the window to face the teenager. "My car wouldn't start." He explained quickly. 

"Ah." Mumbled the intern, her arms crossed. "Doesn't matter saved me having to call you."

"Call me?" Asked Cecil running his fingers through his messy hair. 

"Yeah, you know that co-host job for the night shift?"

"Mm?" Grunted Cecil yawning.

"We found an applicant." Cecil's heart leapt at the thought of having a co-host. Some on to keep him company.

"Who? What's there name?" Asked Cecil excitedly. The intern's eyes looked up as she tried to remember.

"Um, Carlos I think."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I might actually continue with this later..


	3. Carlos comforting a sad Cecil.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When I said normal, I didn't mean depressing.
> 
> Also me and my sister are expanding the vampire one shot to a full story called "I met him when the sun was down."
> 
> Also I'm sorry.
> 
> I'm so sorry.

"Cecil?" Carlos flickered into existence and looked around his old living room, his hands causally in his pockets. The grin that stretched across his face slowly turning into a frown. His eyes flicked to his and Cecil's old tv showing a rerun of Breaking Bad, a empty wine glass lay abandoned on the couch. Carlos bit his lip. Maybe Cecil had just gone to the toilet or something? "Cec? You home?" Carlos walked down the hall and stood at his old bedroom door and raised his hand to knock, his fist fazing through the wood. "Ah." He mumbled letting his hand drop to his side. "Right, no interaction." Every muscle in his body screamed at Carlos to stop as he scrunched his eyes shut and stepped through the door. The room was dark and he could faintly see a lump under the comforter. "Honey?" Asked Carlos taking a step forward, one arm stretched forward out of habit. Cecil pulled the comforter and peered at Carlos through the gloom.

"Carlos?" He sniffed, his lip quivering. "Oh, Carlos you're home!" Before Carlos could do anything to stop him Cecil rocketed out of bed and rushed at him, arms stretched. Before fazing through him, causing Carlos' existence to flicker like a hologram. Carlos turned and looked Cecil who was now facing away from him, his shoulders hunched, hands clamped to his face. 

"Cecil, I'm sorry, I-I was going to surprise you-." Cecil turned stiffly, a look of pure loathing on his face. The glow from the mysterious lights shining trough the window lighting up his face, illuminating red and puffy eyes. 

"Why?" Growled Cecil, fresh tears spilling down his cheeks. Carlos could smell the alcohol on his breath as Cecil stepped forward. "Why would you do that to me? Get my hopes up." Cecil spat, sucking in a raspy breath. 

"Cecil, I didn't mean to upset you. I'm, I just wasn't thinking." Cecil's face turned red with anger as Carlos spluttered, wanting with all his heart to flick back to the desert. Knowing Cecil would find someway to kill him if he did. 

"No, you were thinking about science, or Doug, or that oh-so-scientifically interesting desert weren't you?!" Screamed Cecil, rubbing tears from his cheeks. Cecil made a inhuman sounding noise of pure misery and leant against the wall, head in his hands slowly slipping down to the floor. His legs unable to fully support him. Carlos felt a wave of guilt wash over him as he watched his boyfriend sob. Slowly he bent down so he was eye to eye with Cecil, like a mother would do to a child.

"Cecil, I." The words stuck in his throat and came out as a jumbled sob. "Cecil, I am so, so sorry. I swear to God I'm sorry." 

"Why didn't you just call? Why didn't you warn me? Mumbled Cecil into his hands. 

"Cecil." Carlos paused tucking his hand into his lab coat pocket. "Cecil the truth is, I can't find the door." A small tear fell down his cheeks as Cecil howled like a wounded animal. "Cecil, please, I-I didn't call you because I wanted to surprise you Cecil." Slowly Carlos lifted his leg so he was balanced on one knee. Not taking his eyes away from Cecil, who was still covering his eyes with his hands. "I was going to do this on Parade day, but you know the rebellion and all." Carlos sucked in a deep breath, holding a small object up to Cecil with shaking hands. "Open your eyes Cecil." Cecil didn't, but Carlos continued on. "Cecil Gershwin Palmer, will you-." Carlos' oaky voice was cut off by nothingness. Cecil pulled his hands away from his eyes and stared at the empty room, his stomach churning. 

"Carlos! Oh God Carlos! Please come back, I'm sorry I, please come back!" Cecil yelled scrambling around the empty room before eventually curling up into the fetal position, the hard wooden floor pressing against his cheek.

The ring fell into the desert sand and Carlos stared at the miles of sand that stretched ahead of him. 

"Marry me?"


	4. Cecil give up their life so Carlos can live.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This generator is going to be the death of me. 
> 
> Something normal and not depressing next time please!

"This is it listeners." Cecil's smile stretched across his face as he stared at the old oak door that had appeared in front of him. "After months of waiting our towns most beloved interloper, and my boyfriend, is returning home.- oh! Listeners the doors opening!" There was a small click as the door swung open, Carlos hurtled out of the desert other world and slammed straight into Cecil, knocking both of them to the ground. "Ouch!" Cecil laughed and wrapped his arms around Carlos' waist. "Carlos! You're back." 

"No." Mumbled Carlos pulling himself up off Cecil. "No, no, no Cecil shut the door!" Carlos scrambled up and turned to the door, light pouring for the desert. The silhouette of a man stood in the doorframe. A man neither tall nor short, nor fat nor thin. A man with hair and a nose resembling Cecil's own. And his eyes. His eyes. 

"Hello." Kevin smiled, no the abomination stretched across his face was anything but a smile. "How are you Cecil?" Carlos' face twisted into a expression of pure horror. It was at this point that Cecil saw the blood running down Carlos' cheeks. A Glasgow smile cut into his face. "Aren't you happy Cecil?" Asked Kevin holding up a small dagger, resting it's tip against the side of his mouth. 

"Cecil get away from him!" Yelled Carlos grabbing Cecil by the hand and pulling him away. Kevin laughed and took a step forward.

"You're not smiling Cecil." Said Kevin sounding slightly disappointed. 

"Run!" Carlos grabbed Cecil's hand and bolted through the hallways of the NVCR. 

"Listeners, Carlos is dragging me, by the hand through-."

"How the hell is that thing working!?" Laughed Carlos nervously as he glanced down at the microphone still gripped in Cecil's hand. 

"I-I don't know!" Yelled Cecil, the corners of his mouth twitching. "Carlos."

"Yeah?"

"It's good to have you back, I missed you." Carlos rounded a corner and burst through another door. 

"I missed you t- whoa!" Carlos stopped dead in his tracks, Cecil tripping and stumbling. Carlos pulled him back stopping him from falling into the bottomless pit in the NVCR break room. The duo turned to see Kevin standing behind him, still smiling. 

"Why are you running? I just want to fix Cecil like I fixed you Carlos." Said Kevin, cocking his head to one side. He took a step forward, the dagger pointed at Carlos. "Maybe you're not quiet fixed yet Carlos, oh well." Kevin raised the knife and made his way slowly towards the two. "That's easy enough to change." Cecil dropped his microphone to the ground with a loud clang and grabbed Kevin's wrist. Kevin bared his teeth and clamped his free hand to Cecil's throat causing Cecil to gag and choke. "If you wanted a hug Cecil, you should have just asked." Kevin's grip tightened completely blocking Cecil's windpipe. Cecil gagged and choked for air, digging his fingernails into Kevin's wrist so hard he drew blood. The knife dropped to the ground with thud, Cecil glanced over at Carlos who nodded and kicked the blade away from the brawlers, sending the knife sliding across the break room floor. Cecil grabbed onto Kevin's other arm and tugged at it, trying to get the made man off him, trying to get some air into his gasping lungs. His eyes flicked to the disgusting scar which stretched across Carlos' cheeks giving the illusion that he was smiling, even now that his eyes were wide with pure terror. Just what else had Kevin done to him? 

_Kill your double._

The words buzzed through Cecil's brain, a voice so silent he could barely hear it.

_**Kill your double.** _

Cecil tried his best to swallow and smiled reassuringly at Carlos.

"I....love..you." He choke wrapping his arms around his double and pushing his full weight forward, knocking Kevin back and causing him to trip over his own feet. The two fell over the edge of the pit and for one second Cecil felt utterly weightless. And then he fell.

"Cecil!" Carlos screamed bolting over the pit, arms outstretched hoping the grab onto something. He stared into the emptiness of the pit and saw nothing. "No." He whispered collapsing down to his knees. "Oh God, I.... Oh God!" Tears streamed down his cheeks as he heard footsteps coming up behind him. He turned and saw a crowd of other NVCR workers. All with their eyes wide, faces pale. "I just got back." Breathed Carlos looking down at his hands. "I just got back!" He screamed sobbing into his hands. He felt a hand on his shoulder and looked up to see Maureen, holding Cecil's microphone out to him. 

"I think you should tell them." Mumbled Maureen, not taking her eyes off the pit in front of her. Carlos nodded and wiped his face with his hands, blood streaking his palms. He said nothing, but instead took the microphone, watching as the cord wrapped around his hand, snaking around his wrist the way it did when Cecil reported. Carlos swallowed hard and cleared his throat.

"L-listeners, this is Carlos the,-" he stopped and sucked in deep breath. "This is Carlos. Listeners I'm so, so sorry, but Cecil, Cecil." His voice wavered and he pressed his free hand against his eyes. "Cecil Palmer is dead."


	5. Carlos and Cecil dancing. (StrexCorp masquerade special.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *raises hands above head.* finally something relatively normal and not fucking depressing! 
> 
> When I clicked generate and it came up "Cecil and Carlos dancing" I was so happy because this fits in perfectly with the StrexCorp Ball on tumblr.

"It's a trap." Said Carlos his arms crossed. 

"Of course it's a trap." Said Cecil staring down at the invitation, the gold and yellow ink practically radiating light off the page. 

Dear Mr Cecil Palmer,

strex corp synerists incorporated invites you two our annual company masquerade ball. The ball will take place on the 15th of October 2014. Formal dress is required along with a mask. 

We hope for your cooperation.

Strexcorp.

Believe in a Smiling God. 

"That's why we have to go." Said Cecil matter-of-factly. "We've got to make sure the listeners are safe." Carlos clicked his tongue and shook his head. 

"Okay three things." Said Carlos. one, you're putting yourself in serious danger here, and two, I'm not on this invitation-"

"It's a plus one." Said Cecil quickly. "So, you can come. Carlos reached forward to touch the paper his fingers fazing straight through it. 

"Thirdly," Carlos continued. "In case you haven't noticed Cecil, I'm not exactly in the right condition for going out at the moment." Cecil nodded sadly.

"But, that's the point." Said Cecil gesturing at Carlos with his hand. "If there is any trouble then you can faze out and go get help." Cecil gave his boyfriend a pleading look, pressing his palms together and sticking out his bottom lip. "Please Carlos, they'll be more trouble if we don't go, I can tell. Please!" Carlos chewed at his lip feeling the deserts' familiar tug on his existence, trying to pull his form back into the desert. 

"Cecil," he mumbled rubbing the bridge of his nose. "Fine, I'll go."

\---

Carlos materialised waist deep in punch. He looked down and saw his hips and waist swallowed by the yellow liquid, a woman in a mask stared at him, ladle in hand, mouth slightly open. _Well there goes being stealthy_. Thought Carlos smiling awkwardly at the masked woman, walking forward and out of the table. 

"Um, sorry?" Mumbled Carlos nervously scratching the back of his head and bolting onto the crowded dance floor. _Shit_. It looked like even after what Strexcorp had done, parade day, the time traveling deer, the murder of the Shauns, after everything, the whole town had turned up. Carlos adjusted his mask which he borrowed from one of the masked warriors. He'd tried his best to wash his lab coat best he could, some stains still clung to the coat but he'd managed to get most of them out. 

He scanned the room and saw Cecil leaning against the wall, a mask covering the area around his eyes, a cup of a hopefully untouched drink head loosely him his hand. He beamed as Carlos approached him. 

"You came." 

"Yep." Mumbled Carlos staring at Cecil's drink. "Have you drunk it?" Cecil shook his head swishing the liquid around the cup. 

"One of the employees wouldn't leave me alone till I'd taken it." 

"But you haven't drunk it?" Asked Carlos, a little more forcefully.

"No, Carlos I'm not stupid." Mumbled Cecil, placing the drink on a table, glaring at one of the employees who held a adorable, fluffy creature on a lead. "They tried to kill me once already, I'm not going to start getting friendly with these, things." Carlos held out his hand, allowing it to faze through Cecil's free hand. It was the closest thing to holding hands the two could do. 

The two watched the various couples dance. Some familiar, some new, some with eyes, some without. Eventually Cecil's stern expression began to soften, his frown turning into a wishful smile. "C-a-r-l-o-s." He drawled leaning his head back. "We should dance." Carlos stared at his boyfriend, dumbfounded. 

"We can't we're meant to be keeping an eye-"

"Oh come on Carlos! Relax a little, be happy!" Cecil grinned, his slow voice making him sound drunk. Cecil practically ran to the dance floor, Carlos nervously trailing along behind him. 

"Cecil are you feeling okay?" Asked Carlos as Cecil whirled round holding his arms out, one hand gently fazing through Carlos' hip the other held to the side for Carlos to take. 

"Yeah I'm fine~." Sang Cecil gesturing for Carlos to prepare to dance. Carlos slowly placed his hand just above Cecil Cecil's shoulder, the other in front of Cecil's out stretched hand. Almost instantly Cecil started to dance in time to the music, smiling over at the band of Strexes playing classical music. "This is fun, we should do this more often." 

"Mm." Grunted Carlos, glancing around. He tried to keep in time with Cecil, his hand occasionally going through Cecil's body. Cecil hummed along with the music as they danced. 

"This place is nice." Grinned Cecil, his smile becoming wide and goofy. "Maybe they're not too bad?" Carlos grit his teeth. 

"They tried to kill you Cecil." 

"They tried to give me a present." Cecil's voice had become whimsical and happy, sending nervous shivers down Carlos' spine. "It was a birthdaypresent, but it wasn't my birthday." Cecil's eyebrows furrowed. "When is my birthday?" Cecil giggled quickly distracted as Carlos stepped forward, his foot fazing through Cecil's.

"It's handy, you can't step on my feet." Carlos stopped dead, letting his hands drop to his sides. 

"Cecil, we're leaving." 

"Why?" Asked Cecil cocking his head to the side. "It's nice~ here!" Cecil smiled blandly. "It's all pretty, and there's lovely food, and this smell.." 

"Smell?" Asked Carlos sniffing and looking around. Cecil nodded violently.

"Yeah it smells nice, can't you smell it?" Carlos shook his head.

"No, I'm not technically here remember?" 

"Course you're here! I can see you." Carlos wished he could hit Cecil. He'd never want to hurt Cecil, but this person wasn't Cecil. Whatever StrexCorp had done had changed him completely. He had to get one of the Erikas, and fast. He stared at Cecil and swallowed hard. 

"I'll be right back." And then he was gone.


	6. Carlos and Cecil get caught up in a storm and must stay sheltered together until it passes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING HEADCANNON CECIL AHEAD. 
> 
> my Cecil will probably be nothing like yours, so yeah.
> 
> Also this is set before 1 year later and the first date.

 

The door to the lab flew open and Carlos watched as Cecil Palmer bolted in slamming the door shut behind him. Carlos looked up from the clock he was currently dismantling and raised an eyebrow. Cecil leant against the door as though he was trying to keep someone, or more likely something out. Carlos sighed and look back down to the slightly organic gunk spilling out the back of the clock. 

"What's happening now?" He asked prodding the gunk with the tip of his screwdriver. He'd been in Night Vale for a little under a year now and yet it seemed to have already become his job to save the town most weeks. 

"S-sandstorm." Gasped the radio host, his eyes wide with fear. Carlos' mouth twitched.

"Sandstorm as in _the_ sandstorm, or a sandstorm?" He could now hear the wind picking up outside, grains of sand whipping against the windows. Cecil held his hands up and shrugged. 

"I don't know, it's, it's just a sandstorm." Stuttered Cecil running his fingers nervously through his hair. "What if that portal appears again, what if that man comes back, what if-" Carlos raised his hand cutting Cecil off. 

"Cecil, we live in a desert, sandstorms are a common occurrence, so relax okay?" Carlos let his hand drop back in his lap and did his best to look reassuring. "Besides, most of the listeners killed their doubles anyway so-"

"But I didn't!" Cried Cecil, sucking in short sharp breaths. Carlos stared at Cecil, sighing and standing up. 

"Yeah, well neither did I." Said Carlos brushing his hands on his lab coat.

"You're an interloper, you don't count." Cecil's cheeks burned red and he started to stutter. "N-not that that's a bad thing, um, I meant you're still neat and everything...." Carlos grinned and walked over to Cecil, abandoning the clock. The wind outside picking up into a full on gale, sand hitting the window in sheets. Cecil looked cute when he stuttered. 

"How about you stay here then? If your double appears then I'll help you, okay?" Anxiety bubbled up in Carlos chest and this time it was his turn to stutter. "For scientific reasons of course, these doubles are very interesting and all." Cecil nodded, his lips stretching into a watery smile. 

"Thanks Carlos." 

"You're welcome." Said Carlos quickly turning back to his desk. "Oh shit!" He yelled grabbing a beaker and flipping it upside down, trapping the clock-gunk (which had started to make its way to the edge of the desk.) underneath it. 

"What is it?" Asked Cecil peeking round Carlos' shoulder. 

"I don't know, but it's in every single clock." Said Carlos pressing his hand down on the beaker so the gunk couldn't escape. "I told you weeks ago." 

"Oh yeah." Mumbled Cecil looking round the lab. He walked over to a pile of instruments and picked up an extremely sharp looking scalpel that Carlos had been using to dissect the clock-gunk, holding it tightly. "You wanna hold on to that for now?" Asked Carlos shaking his head slightly. Cecil nodded looking down at the sharp blade. Carlos cleared his throat.

"Um, while we're here could I maybe take a look at you? Like, um your eyes and stuff.." 

"Um, sure." Mumbled Cecil. Carlos pulled up a chair and gestured for Cecil to sit down before grabbing a small torch and shinning it in Cecil's eyes. His purple irises followed the light like a normal eye, apart from the face that Cecil simply had no pupils. Instead each eye housed a crescent moon. 

"So, were your eyes like that when you were born?" Asked Carlos placing the eye-torch on the lab bench and starting to take notes on his phone. 

"I don't know." Said Cecil glumly. Carlos narrowed his eyebrows. 

"You don't know?" Asked Carlos slowly. "What about the tattoos?"

"Oh, they're birthmarks." Said Cecil, matter-of-factly. 

"But, they're moving." Said Carlos, pointing to the purple swirl creeping up Cecil's arm. 

"Mhm." Cecil grunted his eyes fixed on the lab's door. Carlos crossed his arms.

"Cecil, calm down." Said Carlos. "Your double isn't going to just appear." 

"He did last time-" 

"Cecil." Carlos grabbed Cecil by the shoulders so they were almost face to face. "You are going to be okay, no one is going to try at hurt you." _At least until something else try's to destroy the town._ Thought Carlos bitterly, he tried to shake the thought from his mind and concentrated on the radio host. "Besides, if he does turn up I'll help you. I'm a scientist." He smiled reassuringly. "A scientist is always fine." Cecil's expression relaxed a little. 

"You sure?" Carlos nodded. He had used the phrase since almost the beginning of his science career, mainly as a pick-me-up. If ever he was worried about a presentation, or deadline he would simply remind himself that a scientist was _always_ fine. In the last year the phrase had been uttered under his breath probably more than any other time in his life. 

"Yes, I'm sure." Carlos walked over to his desk and picked up his laptop, turning it on. He didn't think Cecil was ready for anymore science. "You wanna watch a move till the storm finishes? Looks like we'll be suck here for a while." Cecil nodded and Carlos moved a chair next to his.

"Can I keep the scalpel?" Asked Cecil gripping the blade protectively. Carlos laughed. 

"Sure just, promise not to report on this okay?"


	7. Carlos is bitten by a zombie and has to be put down by Cecil.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm just gonna go sit in the fetal position under my desk and cry.

 

Cecil gasped for breath as he ran, feet slapping on the group, heart thudding against his chest. He gripped a small pistol in one hand, Carlos' hand in the other. 

The sound of the moaning zombie behind him causing him to taste bile. His foot his a rock covered by a thin layer of sand. He stumped and fell pulling his hand from Carlos' who was running in front of him. 

"Cecil!" Carlos screamed stopping dead in his tracks, twisting his body to face the on coming zombie. Carlos' eyes flicked to Cecil who was starting to get up. He took a deep breath and lunged at the zombie, a scalpel in hand. He wrestled with the rotting creature stabbing wildly at its head, the creature groaned and gargled gnashing his teeth. A scream pierced the air and Carlos shoved the blade through the zombies' head, the zombie gave a final howl before going still.  
Cecil pulled himself up and stared at his boyfriend who was gasping looking down at the zombie's body.

"Oh God, Carlos are you okay? Are you hurt? Are you-" Cecil babbled kneeling down next Carlos.

"Cecil," whispered Carlos, pulling his hand way from his shoulder revealing a tear in the fabric of his coat. Cecil's stomach churned as he grabbed onto the coat, ripping it off Carlos's body and inspecting the cut. Blood running down Carlos' shoulder, a bite clearly etched into his flesh. It was as though Cecil's entire world had shattered. 

"No." Whispered Cecil, for once in his life completely speechless. Carlos looked into his eyes, the irises of his eyes already beginning to turn white. 

"Cecil, shoot me." Carlos' voice was calm as Cecil started to cry.

"No," said Cecil shaking his head. "I can't." Carlos took hold of Cecil's hands, his own hands shaking uncontrollably. Carlos moved Cecil's hands so the barrel of his pistol was pressed against the centre of his forehead. Carlos smiled reassuringly as more tears spilt down Cecil's cheeks. 

"Don't worry Cecil, shoot my there and I won't feel a thing." He lied keeping the smile on his face, feeling his humanity tugging away. He wasn't sure if he would die the moment the bullet hit his brain, or if he would die later, but he didn't care. He wanted to take as much guilt away from Cecil as possible. His limbs started shaking uncontrollably, muscles twitching. "Cecil hurry!" Cecil swallowed hard and pulled the gun away planting a small kiss on Carlos' forehead. 

"I love you." He whispered placing the gun back against Carlos' head. Carlos took a couple of deep breathes, trying to force his stiffening jaw to move.

"I love..." His voice gave in, replaced by gargles and groans. Cecil pressed down on the trigger and Carlos' head snapped back. Cecil closed his eyes, covering his face with his hands. 

"I'm sorry." He hiccuped, hot tears pouring down his chest. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so, so, sorry."


	8. Cecil and Carlos cuddling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *raises hands triumphantly*
> 
> It's happy! 
> 
> And set after lazy day!
> 
> And just a little scene to say sorry for all the sad.

All of Carlos' energy had drained out of him. He was so, so tired. He climbed into bed, sinking into the mattress. Feeling as though he could melt into the pillows, and knowing Night Vale, that was completely possible. He closed his eyes and breathed deeply allowing his body to relax. After all the chores he had done, he'd earned a rest. 

He heard the sound of a key in the front door, footsteps, the sound of a bag being put down. 

Cecil flopped down beside him, still in his work clothes. 

"Shoes." Mumbled Carlos rolling over so he was almost nose to nose with Cecil, who huffed and kicked off his shoes, listening to them thud to the ground. Cecil smiled dreamily and wrapped his arms around Carlos, hugging him loosely. "How was your day?" Asked Carlos allowing his eyes to shut again. 

"Good, sleepy." Mumbled Cecil in reply, his chest rising and falling slowly with each breath. Carlos nuzzled against Cecil's chest and smiled.

"You didn't do anything." Retorted the scientist causing Carlos to shake his head.

"Nu-uh, I talked." Mumbled Cecil kissing Carlos on the top of his head. "And talked." Another kiss. "And talked." Carlos giggled and grinned taking Cecil's hand and resting his forehead against Cecil's. 

"It's been a real lazy day huh?" 

"Mmhm."


	9. Cecil is finally noticed by their sempai, Carlos

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh hey it's Cecil and Carlos' relationship before one year later.

Cecil could feel his heart thudding in his chest, his hands clasped together, eyes closed. He sat on one of the empty desks, waiting for the thud of foot steps, the opening of the classroom door. The love of his life walking in. 

"Oh." He opened his eyes as stared at Carlos, who stood in the threshold, a crumpled piece of paper in his hand. He held up the note and cocked his head slightly. "You wrote this?" Beads of sweat ran down Cecil's flushed face. 

"I-I-I." He stuttered looking down at the floor, willing his tongue to work. "Y-yes." 

"Teeth like a military cemetery?" 

More red. 

"Y-yes!" 

"Strong square jaw?" Carlos read from the note, his caramel voice filling Cecil's ears, causing his head to spin. 

"Perfect hair?" Cecil's hands bawled into fists at his side, eyes squeezed shut he bowed low. 

"I'm sorry for wasting your time Carlos-senpai!" He yelled, shaking head to toe with nerves. 

"What?" 

"I shouldn't have given you that note! I probably distracted you from your studies!" Cecil babbled his voice becoming louder and faster with each passing word. 

"Cecil-"

"I probably just embarrassed you! Do you even like guys?" Carlos took Cecil's chin in one hand, Cecil opened his eyes and looked straight into Carlos'.

"You're cute." Said Carlos grinning. Cecil's face turned bright red and he simply stared, mouth slightly open. Carlos laughed and waved his hand in front of Cecil's face. "You okay?" 

"Y-yes sempai." Mumbled Cecil, his heart feeling lip it would explode out his chest. Carlos grinned again and gave Cecil a gentile kiss before letting go of his chin and turning on his heel.

"I should get home." He said smiling at Cecil over his shoulder. "See you later, okay?"

"Mm!" Cecil nodded his head vicariously. "S-see you Thescientist-sempai." 

"Carlos." Corrected the upperclassman before he left Cecil alone in the classroom.


	10. Cecil frustrated by losing a board game or card game to Kevin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Decided to add some other characters starting with our favourite nut job. If you want any other characters just put them in the comments.

Cecil lay on his side. The dead grass digging into his cheek, fingers bleeding, every inch of his body crying for sleep. No, not sleep. Death. Freedom from this picnic. The volleyball nets weren't that far away, he could make a run for it. If he wasn't so damn _tired._ Someone prodded him in the back. 

_Leave me alone._

"Oh Mr Palmer~ please wake up, I've got a game for us to play!" Cecil's body flinched, shuddering with the thought of the man who stood behind him. Cecil propped himself up on one elbow and turned his head. His double stared back. No he didn't stare, he had no eyes to do it with. 

"A game?" Asked Cecil weakly. 

"Yes." Sang Kevin, smiling. "A game for us to play."

"That's not very productive of you Kevin." Spat Cecil mockingly. Kevin shook his head. 

"Oh no, Cecil, this game is one that strengthens the mind, if anything we'll be boosting our productive by playing it." He grabbed Cecil by his shoulders and tugged him up. 

"No, I want to sleep, go away." Said Cecil, shrugging the double off. Kevin clicked his tongue.

"Okay then, let's make this interesting." He leaned forward and whispered in Cecil's ear. "You win the game and I'll tell you everything about the scientist. Oh what was his name? Carl?"

"Carlos." Whispered Cecil, his eyes opening wide. "What do you know about Carlos?" Kevin's grin turned playful. 

"Win and I'll tell you." 

Kevin had the game set up at one of the tents, a chessboard sat on a bright yellow plastic table. Cecil sat down in one of the camper chairs, the blood and viscera the soaked the seat sending a damp chill down his back.

"Chess?" He asked nervously as Kevin sat down across from him. 

"Yep, you can be the white pieces." Said Kevin shoving the board towards Cecil. "Go one, move your piece." He waved his hand. His hands shaking from exhaustion Cecil picked up the pawn stationed in front of the king and moved it forward two spaces. 

"Why chess?" He asked as Kevin moved his piece.

"It's a StrexCorp requirement for all new employees to keep a strong mind through one hour of regulated brain training a day." He gestured for Cecil to make his moves. "This is what I did." 

"That's why they made me do crosswords." Mumbled Cecil picking up his left knight and moving it. "But still, why play with me? Why now?" Kevin giggled. 

"Oh! You just look so sad Cecil! I wanted to put a smile on that sweet face." Cecil felt sick, his eyes stung. 

"If you want to make me happy, leave, leave this town, leave it's people, leave us alone." He hissed leaning forward across the table. Kevin smiled and cocked his head. 

"We can't leave Cecil, we're not done helping you." He moved his piece. "Check." Cecil hunched his shoulders and clenched his jaw. 

"Help me?" Said Cecil, his lips peeling back into a sneer. "You think you're helping me?" Kevin grinned and nodded. 

"I know we're helping you Cecil, you're getting more work done now than ever before." He watched as Cecil moved his king out the way of Kevin's queen. 

"But this isn't _my_ job, you stole my station from me!" Kevin giggled and picked up his bishop. 

"You weren't doing it properly silly! Maybe you can have it back one day." He placed the bishop down. "But for now let's say I'm more qualified than you... Check." Cecil was practically fuming, he glared at Kevin through sleepy eyes, his voice croaky. 

"How dare you." He whispered glancing down at the board, his eyes flicking between the pieces. "Your company has taken everything from me! My job! My friends! My, my boyfriend..." Cecil's hands bawled into fists. 

Kevin stopped smiling. 

He _stopped_ smiling.

He moved his piece, Cecil's mouth opening slightly. Was he throwing the game? Kevin moved his queen, which had previously been protecting his king, leaving it open to Cecil's castle. Cecil's hand darted out and be moved the piece. 

"Checkmate." He breathed. "Now tell me everything you know about Carlos. Where is he? Is he okay? What have you done with him?" Cecil babbled, watching the.…was he frowning? Kevin cleared his throat, his chipper voice becoming low and sinister. 

"I don't know anything." 

"What?" Anger bubbled up inside Cecil's chest. "You dragged me out here and you don't know anything?!" Kevin's head jerked up and somehow Cecil could tell he was watching him. 

"Cecil....we don't know where Carlos is exactly." And then Cecil got it. He stared and his double shaking his head. 

"Thank you."


	11. Lauren and Kevin go to a bar. Kevin gets too drunk and Lauren has to take them home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I warn you, I have never been drunk or even drank alcohol. Take everything depicted with a grain of salt.

Kevin remembered liking something called alcohol. He couldn't place exactly what it was, or when he had had it. But sometimes, very rarely, he'd taste something on the tip of his tongue or feel a burning at the back of his throat. He knew he should report it, tell Lauren, or Daniel, or one of the other employees. But he never did. 

He remembered the taste now. A mixture of various tastes and smells. Laughter? No, the sound was wrong, it wasn't laughter. Was it? A high pitched whimper brought kevin back to his senses. He looked down at the small StrexPet tugging harshly on its lead, trying to pull him back onto his normal route. Kevin had turned off his normal path, causing the duck-eyed bio-machine' sensors to confuse. 

"Sorry Ven." Kevin's chipper voice echoed around the almost empty street. Most of Desert Bluffs were either asleep or working, very few were taking their StrexPets for walks. Kevin looked around the street, mostly office buildings, but in the centre of the street was an rundown building, the windows bordered up with old rotting wood. Cocking his head to one side Kevin let go of Ven's lead, walking slowly across the street to the building. The taste filled his mouth again as he got closer, the bio machine nipping at his ankles. Ven whimpered, a small click echoing from deep inside the creature. "I'm just looking Ven, don't fret, don't fret..." Kevin trailed off as he kicked on the door of the building. 

The wood splintered and cracked. Ven growled. Another kick and the door opened. The smell of dust and mould attacked his nostrils as Kevin walked in. The place was dimly familiar, a long table in front of a set of shelves containing various bottles, the labels long worn away. Kevin ducked under a small gap in the the table and looked up and down the shelves. Slowly he reached up and took a bottle of amber liquid, swishing it around the bottle. He picked up a dirty glass and poured the liquid in, swirled it, and poured it down the sink rinsing the glass. Ven whinged as he poured another glass, digging its claws into Kevin's foot.

"I'm just trying it." He muttered picking up the glass and sniffing. This was it. The scent that had been haunting him for...for...

He took a sip, a wave a nostalgia washing over him. It tasted good. He downed the glass and poured another. Eventually the bottle started to run low, his head started to cloud, the smile the was normally plastered to his face started to twitch. The room was too quiet, his thoughts swimming around his head slowly. Was the drink bad? Had it gone off? He tasted bile and suddenly the drink was no longer in his stomach. Kevin's head spun as he stared down at the counter, vomit dripping off it onto the floor. This stuff was bad, he had to get help. He tried to stand up and walk forward but his legs fell out from underneath him. Ven gave a loud bark and bolted over to Kevin's side. His lips twitched into a frown. 

"Ven, I feel unny." Kevin laughed and looking up at the celling. "I tulk unny too." Ven nudged Kevin's side variously. Their body humming loudly. Kevin ignored it and allowed sleep to take him. 

"Oh dear Kev what have you done to yourself?" Kevin's eyes snapped open, his throat dry, head pounding. Kevin groaned and rolled over so his face was pressed against the rotten floor. 

"What happened to me?" He groaned holding his head. Lauren patted him gently on his shoulder. 

"Nothing we can't fix Kev." Said Lauren, talking in her teacher tone of voice that made Kevin's stomach lurch. 

"How'd you find me?" Groaned Kevin as Lauren haled him to his feet, his legs wobbled barely holding him up. 

"You don't fret about that Kev, we've just got to get you right." Said Lauren heading Kevin into the shinning Desert bluffs street. The light of the Smiling God sending a stabbing pain through Kevin's body. 

"What was that stuff?" Mumbled Kevin wincing. Lauren simply shook her head. 

"Something dangerous Kev, it's been taking care of." 

"Kevin." Corrected Kevin. Lauren laughed a plastic sounding laugh and grinned.

"Good to see you're not completely out of it Kevin." She helped the radio host into a small car on the side of the road. An eyeless driver looking at Kevin, an eyebrow raised. Lauren clicked her tongue and smiled sweetly at the driver. "Let's get you fixed."


	12. Cecil gets a contract to assassinate Janice

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :) I'm a horrible person.

He held the cigarette loosely between his teeth. He lay flat on his stomach sniper rifle propped up in front of him. 

"You're killing a kid now are you?" Cecil flinched slightly his eyes moving to the man standing beside him. He didn't have to worry about him being seen, no one ever did. Instead Cecil stayed quiet and chewed at the unlit cigarette peering down the scope at the hundreds of faces in the crowd. 

"Boss wants the whole family dead." He whispered under his breath. "She's no acceptation." 

Carlos fixed a cold stare on Cecil whose finger rested lightly on the trigger. 

"She's still a kid, she's not me." Said Carlos sitting down next to Cecil his legs crossed. 

"Yeah you really are a monster Palmer." Maureen's dry drawl filled Cecil's ears causing him to suck in a short breath. 

"Just let me work." He hissed searching the crowd. How hard could a freaking wheelchair be to find? "You're putting me off."

"You're putting yourself off." Another voice, this one newer than the others. Husky and stomach churningly annoying. Cecil's scope finally met its target, bile rising up in his throat. 

"Can you do it Monster?" Asked Maureen peering over Cecil's shoulder. Carlos didn't say anything but fixed his mournful gaze on the girl. And finally Steve's shoulders shook as he choked down tears. 

_No._

"Yes." And he pulled the trigger. 

She turned up later, following him as he walked downs the street of panic townsfolk. His sniper rifle packed in its case at his side. 

"Why did you kill me?" 

That was always the first question. 

And the one he could never answer.


	13. Cecil giving Janice a piggy back ride.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Am I forgiven?

Cecil's eyes fluttered open as Carlos gave his shoulder a shake. 

"Honestly you Palmers are useless." Grinned the scientist switching off the TV and gesturing to the sleeping child in the wheelchair next to the couch. Cecil yawned and stretched rubbing his eyes. 

"Sorry, we were watching frozen." Carlos raised his hand for silence.

"Sing that song and I swear I'll kill you." Cecil smiled and got up giving Janice a small poke.

"Hey Janice, time to go to bed." He said softly. Janice groaned and shuffled down in her chair. 

"Don't wanna." She mumbled not opening her eyes. 

"Yes but uncle Cecil and Carlos do." Said Carlos pulling off his lab coat and chucking it across the sofa. Janice pouted and held up her hands. 

"Carry me?" She asked furrowing her brow. Cecil's face softened and he sighed and turned round getting down on one knee. 

"Okay then, up you come." Janice wrapped her arms round Cecil's neck as he reached back and haled her up off her chair, giving an overdramatic grunt as he did. Carlos cocked his head slightly and smiled.

"Isn't that a bit counterproductive?" He asked. Janice shook her head.

"Uh-uh." She mumbled closing her eyes and resting her chin on Cecil's shoulder. Carlos sighed.

"Uncle Cecil spoils you way to much." The scientist raised his eyebrows at his boyfriend who grinned back at him.

"Proudly." 

Carlos gave Cecil a soft kiss and ruffled Janice's hair. "Go on, don't want your dad getting mad at us do we?" Janice shook her head. 

"Nuh-ah." She mumbled, her head starting to lull. Cecil carried her to the spare room and tucked her into bed. She nodded off as soon as her head touched the pillow.


	14. Abbey and Steve watch fireworks together

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've really been neglect this fic, so here's some Steve and Abbey.

They met on New Years Eve 1931, A few days after Lee Marvin's birthday. Or one of them anyway. 

They often met on New Years, Steve Carlsberg had lost count of the times his eyes met her's for the first time. She looked different, with every Birthday her hair, eyes, skin, height, everything would change. But she was always beautiful. 

She wore a blue dress this time, grinning from ear to ear as she sipped a glass of champagne, nattering to the young magician Josie, who was enthusiastically insisting that she picked a card, any card. 

Steve looked over the party from a balcony, leaning against the barrier keeping him from falling into the champagne-pool and watching the dotted lines and circles in the sky. He looked down at Cecil Palmer, a man who according to the Sky would one day be his brother after a Birthday further down the line. 

"Hey there!" 

Steve jumped and turned around, his own drink sloshing around the glass and cascading to the floor. 

"Oops!" Abbey looked sheepish. "I didn't mean to scare you, you just looked so lonely up here all by yourself, why don't you join the party Huh?"

Steve's heart pounded nervously against his chest and he smiled politely. 

"Oh, I don't mind watching," he reassured her. "I've never been one for parties." 

Abbey didn't seem happy with his answer and crossed her arms across her chest. 

"Well, you can't spend New Years Eve all alone!" She cried, pouting stubbornly. "Don't you have a lady friend to dance with?" She lowered her voice to a whisper, his tone becoming sly, eyebrow quirking cheekily. "Or are gentlemen more you thing?" 

_So,_ Steve thought with a shake of his head. _Cecil's told her this time._

"No," he said instead. "Just me."

In the party bellow some of the kids started chanting excitedly. 

"30, 29, 28—"

Abbey leant against the balcony railing beside him, her teal lipstick looking almost black under the glow of the circles and lines as she grinned. 

"And me, it wouldn't be fair for you to spend the new year all alone." 

"21, 20, 19—"

"What about your brother?"

"Cecil? He'll be too busy looking for some guy to smooch."

"15, 14, 13—" 

The whistle of a rocket being launched into the air filled the two's ears as Hiram McDaniels set one off too early, an explosion of stars followed by a chorus of boos.

"SHUT YOUR BRAINLESS MOUTHS HUMANS!" The dragons green head shrieked as the purple and grey attempted to hide in embarrassment. 

"Ooo!" Abbey chirped, looking up at the sky with child-like awe. "Ain't they pretty?"

Steve swallowed hard and nodded.

"Sure are," he said, looking up at the blank sky, the explosion hidden under the secrets whispers of the universe. 

"6, 5, 4—" 

The two watched as Cecil held someone, probably a scientist's hand. The two grinning at each other like love-sick idiots. 

Josie jumped up and down with excitement, her paper mâché top hat falling in front of her eyes. 

"2, 1, happy New Year!" 

Hiram's heads lit the rest of the fireworks, the children ooed and awwed, and Abbey and Steve didn't kiss. Instead her hand found his and they watched the doodled sky. 

There was always next time.


	15. Maureen and Cecil pretend to be in a relationship for the purpose of an undercover mission

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short one this time!  
> Yes I know their all short shut up.

The two walked arm in arm into city hall, both smiling fake, soft smiles, the man's bright orange PVC boots squeaking as he walked, the woman's sneakers doing the same. 

The guard in charge of protecting Public Records looked up from his Woman's Weekly, glancing at couple with a lazy look of indifference before turning back to his magazine. 

Success. 

The man grinned at his partner who glared forward mumbling "fuck you," under her breath repeatedly. 

But they only had a little way to go, a little way and The Registry of Middle School Crushes would be theirs.

***

Cecil stared down at his notebook, tapping his paint-smudged against the paper, the finger-painted words running down the page.

"You finished with the plan?" Janice asked stopping work on her Stealth Wheelchair, pulling her welding mask off her face. "Can I read it?"

Cecil's lips pursed and he ripped the page from the book, screwing it into a ball and throwing it to land beside the waste paper basket, surrounded by countless abandoned plans.

"No," her uncle stated, dabbing his fingers in paint and starting on a fresh slate. "Never."


	16. Cecil accidentally drinks a love potion and falls for Steve

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my good god I fucking love this generator.

"How does this even happen?" Janice asked, her arms crossed across her chest.

"I am...not too sure," Carlos answered. Tapping a finger against his cheek. "I mean, the scientific chances of all coffee turning into some kind of love potion is...well...highly improbable at best." 

"You know whose great?" Cecil perked from his place on the lab operation table. His hands tucked neatly behind his head, one leg handing lazily in the air. "Steve Carlsberg! He's wonderful, don't you think?"

"Ohmyglowcloud uncle Carlos we need to fix this right now." 

"All hail, also yes we need to fix this." Carlos peered at Cecil's still brimming coffee mug, picking up a pipette and starting some testing. "Antidote on its way...hopefully. No offence but I really don't wanna lose my boyfriend to Steve Carlsberg."

"Oooh! But he's just so perfect!" Cecil pouted. "I mean have you seen those shirts he made? And he is such a wonderful dad! And how he can see the arrows and circles in the sky? Who else can see the arrows and circles in the sky? No one! And that's just great!"

"Uncle Carlos--"

"On it." Carlos peered at the coffee under his microscope. Stroking his chin with a gloved hand. "I get snakes. Snakes, perfectly reasonable. But a love potion?" 

"Can I go see Steve? Cecil whined. "Please?"

"No honey."

"But he's just so--" 

"Perfect?" Carlos asked.

"Wonderful?" Janice added. 

"Amazing," Cecil gushed. "I could talk about him all day! I bet the listeners wouldn't mind. They used to love it when I talked about you on air Carlos."

Janice suddenly clicked her fingers. "Uncle Carlos, I have an hypothesis on what could cure Uncle Cecil."

Carlos gestured to his niece with his hand, signalling her continuing. 

Janice cleared her throat before speaking with gusto. "And now, the weather."


	17. Dana and Maureen fighting together, back to back.

The ants did not like the newest sea shanty. When the ants to not like the sea shanties they had a habit of becoming rather large, as well as fire-breathing, and also man eating. 

"How much longer we got?" Dana asked Maureen as she swatted at one of the ants over the head with a broom. 

"Dunno, this weathers kinda long," the other intern answered, reloading her staple gun. The two lent back to back as more ants swarmed into the break room. The other interns and workers either screaming, dying or running away. 

"For Glow Cloud's sake!" Maureen cried, shooting an ant between the eyes. "Who let Jones sing?"

"I'll give you one guess."

Maureen rolled her eyes. "I am going to kill that man one day."

"Sure you are honey." Dana beamed, bringing down the broom again with a loud squelch. 

"Where's Palmer?"

"Hiding under his desk."

"Of course." Maureen fired a dozen more staples into an ant's eye. "We better get extra credit for this."


End file.
